I’m probably going to get in trouble for announcing this before any press release has went out publicly, but I find it hard to hold back my excitement! The next version of the XNA Game Studio product line will be the “XNA Game Studio Mind Edition”.
I suspect everyone will want to upgrade to Game Studio ME as soon as possible because it will revolutionize game development as we know it today. Gone will be the days of having to actually write code for the games you want to do create. We decided to take our contest theme extremely literally and use that to build our next project. Dream. Build. Play.
With the release of Game Studio ME, developers, hobbyists, pianists, small children, Nobel Prize physicists, and even Maytag repair people will be able to bring their dreams to life. With our new Game Studio ME Brain Wave Actuator (patent pending) writing games is as simple as donning the new apparatus and taking a nap. Shortly after you fall asleep soothing music will be played in the ear plugs that come with the device, and a series of electrical jolts will be given to stimulate your brain and activate REM sleep. Once you wake up a few hours later, you can simply go to your computer and click the “Build” button in Game Studio ME (it will be easy to find, it is the only option available) and your dream will now be packaged up as a ready to play game!
I know what you’re thinking though. Is this safe? Here at Microsoft safety is our number one concern for our customers. We’ve only had a handful of people die while using the device, and the number of people still suffering from serious mental defects from the electrical charges has shrunk by dozens! By the time we have finished our beta testing, we fully expect the odds of serious injury to be less than 10%. Speaking of beta testing, we’re actively looking for volunteers. You’ll have to sign a waiver though.
I must also add that we’ve ran into one minor problem with our implementation however. It seems in our zest to follow our contest theme no one took the time to realize that the majority of people don’t really dream about things that translate well into games. As a matter of fact, some of the so called games we’ve seen have been down-right demented. To help protect our interests (and your own) we’ve decided to upload a copy of everyone’s dreams to our servers locally. Here at Microsoft though, we take privacy almost as seriously as we do safety, and you can rest assured that your private intimate thoughts from your dreams will be seen only by those who have a very real need to. These people will include local law enforcement, Joe from accounting, and we will randomly play some of them during regularly scheduled team meetings. You know how they say everyone has that dream where they go to school/work in their underwear? If our team meeting videos prove anything it’s that this is a very real statement.
Since we know our customers want and need the new Game Studio ME as soon as possible, but we discovered this “problem” with the games being produced a bit too late for this product cycle, we’ve decided to release on schedule in the fall, and follow up with a service release next spring. This service release will be a prescription you can fill at your local pharmacy, and we’ve dubbed it the eXactPill release. You will be able to use Game Studio XP once it is released to control what you’re dreaming about by simply taking a pill before putting on the device, and thinking about whatever you want your game to be about.
While that is the latest and greatest news from my team, I also need to get a little personal in this space as well. If there’s one thing I’m pretty sure of it is that people are desparate for information on what is going on in my life. I’m pleased to announce that I was selected as one of the finalists for the prestigious National Award Given to Young Origami Understudies (NAGYOU). With any luck my rendition of the two-toed sloth will bring home the prize. I’m really hoping I win, because if I do I plan on taking the opportunity the prize money will give me to pursue my real dream in life, which I’m sure you are all aware is bringing back Boo Berries all year round, not just around Halloween. Unfortunately though, the contest will pull me away from my every day workings, so I’ll be taking a leave of absence from Microsoft for a few years preparing by folding many pieces of paper, then unfolding them, and folding them again. If my blog posts start to dwindle, this is why.